I am a new mom and totally, madly, and deeply in love with my daughter however the transition of my becoming a parent for the first time was not a cakewalk. Was being a parent really scary or was I scared?
I am a romantic and more often than not I express my feelings singing songs, mostly to my husband. In our almost 3 year old wedlock, my husband also reciprocates the same lovey-dovey feelings using the same singing method (mostly when high….#tight lip smile#). We are not shaayars, but singing Bollywood songs and discussing their lyrics is a major part of our husband wife relationship. Like ‘me’ time, it’s ‘our’ time.
So recently, I am giving morning massage to my daughter and Mr. Husband is getting ready for office and there is a playlist playing in the background and the song goes like….. daudhte hai khwaab jinpe, raasta woh tu lage….neend se hai khwaab ka jo vaasta woh tu lage…. . My husband comes out of the bathroom and says to me….Div, now every song feels like it is for Her (our daughter Karunnya).
I, being a mom, trust me when I say being a mom, it literally means my love for her obviously knows no boundaries. For God’s sake I took 17 hours of labor pains and a normal delivery to meet her…phew. Still, I got so jealous that immediately I responded in negative, “What are you saying Kabeer? Aisa thodhi hota hai….and earlier you used to sing this song for me.” The wife in me had spoken. Our husband and wife relationship is not going to suffer after our baby.
Kabeer kissed her on forehead and we both continued doing our work. Days passed and now my daughter is three and a half months old. Last night we resumed our favorite pastime before we had a baby: driving and listening to music but this time we were with her. As usual, there is a playlist playing in the car and the song goes like, ……dil taennu de baithi, khabar tu le se rahi, karna ae beparwahiyaan……. I am holding her in my arms and singing this song for her. She frequently smiles at me and pushes her legs whenever while singing I bring her closer to me. She is listening to me as if she understands the meaning of the song. Her eyes shiny bright and hands are in a fist, folded together.
After a while another song plays……dil mein teri yaad basi tu samjhega nahin….jo hai mere paas hai tera, mera kuch nahi……..and as the car stops for red light, I realize I am again singing for her, while rubbing my nose against hers. While she is enjoying, trying to grasp my lips as the words change their shape, my lips expanded into a ‘realization moment’ smile and I acknowledged that life has changed and when I don’t know. I have become a parent for the first time today and everyday and not just when my daughter was born.
Earlier I did not appreciate when my husband dedicated our songs to her. I was so full of fear that I felt offended. Fear of what happens to a marriage after baby. How husband and wife relationship take a back-seat after a baby arrives? The mother takes over the role of a wife and the responsibilities of fatherhood takes away the adventure of a husband.
It was never the fear of being parents that stopped me from acknowledging the fact that my husband thinks of her on every song but it was the fear of forgetting what we as a couple are. Yet this transition from a ‘couple’ to ‘parents’ has happened, so unknowingly, naturally, and quickly that I have failed to even notice it. Thankfully we have not seized to be that lovey-dovey couple, yet. Rather our love has taken a face now and such a beautiful one my God!-Karunnya.
Another song is playing in the background like a summary of my feelings….and I am happily singing to her, surpassing my fear….dancing with her…… jo na karna tha kar gayi, main bhi kit jaake mar gayi…achchi khasi jatni changi…ghani baanwri ho gayi…..main ghani bawri ho gayi…. Finally every song is for her…..every song is a depiction of our love.